Working on Inner Child Healing? Your Undiagnosed Neurodivergent Inner Child Wants You To Accommodate Yourself

Dylan King
Sep 30, 2024
6 min read

Updated: Nov 25, 2024

Plus 3 Creative Writing Prompts

Have you ever worked on healing your inner child? Gone back in time to give little 8 year old you a tear-filled hug? Perhaps you’ve gotten that candy you were never allowed to eat, promised yourself playfulness, and most importantly- asked your little (most likely undiagnosed neurodivergent) self what they need to feel safe. What you might be missing however, is how to translate your younger you’s responses into present day adulthood accommodations.

Inner Child Healing Convos Give Insight Into Accommodations You Might Still Need Now

The gap between adult you and childhood you is at least eighteen years (but probably more- sorry if that makes you feel old). It’s also wisdom; it’s trauma¹, burnout, and a layer of masks so thiccc you could do a 100 layer youtube challenge (I am also old.)

Some people want to bridge that gap with a bag of sour patch kids and a 20 minute meditation. If those things help you in your day to day then I definitely want you to do them, but popping a few candies and calling it a day does not a healing journey make. (Damn that sucks.)

When that kid inside you shares their voice, adult you has the ability to contextualize what they’re saying. For those of us who are neurodivergent- especially late diagnosed- the insights don’t stop at “omg I really loved space as a kid.” It’s how you were allowed to express that hyperfixation and how you allow yourself to indulge in your special interests now.

I’ll give you another specific example of an accommodation from my childhood. While I went undiagnosed, my mom picked up on things that made life easier for everyone. She always describes me as an “easy child”- the caveat being that she had to explain what was going to happen first. If she tried to take me to a doctor’s appointment and it was a surprise- I would fall apart completely. But if she laid it out clearly: “Today we are going to the doctor, and you are going to get a shot.” It was no. big. deal.

I used to think this was just a funny anecdote. I didn’t even see how it applied to me as an adult. But through the lens of Autism and connecting with my inner child, I can see how 5 year old me was THRIVING getting everything explicitly outlined. Using that to create accommodations for myself in present day is what inner child healing is actually asking us to do.

3 (Bland) Journaling Questions (And What To Ask Instead)

I got really tired of being asked the same questions, over and over again- perhaps in a slightly different way.

What made you feel safe?
What needs weren’t met?
What brought you joy?

These aren’t inherently bad questions. They work for some people- it’s why they keep getting asked. But there comes a time when you’ve answered a question so many times, you almost develop a script. And then the questions aren’t helpful anymore.

More importantly- if we’re constantly just thinking surface level: i.e. “it brought me joy to play with Pokemon cards” that may not be exactly the thing we’re looking to do as an adult. Are there adults who play with Pokemon and absolutely love it? YES! But this isn’t always the case.

The answers lie in a genuine integration of what might be missing from your adult life: the accommodations you are able to create for yourself.

What made you feel safe? might translate to What environments did you feel most free to be your unmasked self? (see my story above about my mom’s accommodation for taking me to the doctor)
What needs weren’t met? might translate to What can you see now as a misunderstanding of your neurodivergence that was treated as “bad behavior” or unsupported?
What brought you joy? might translate to What special interests did you have and how did you express them?

Don’t Infantilize Your Inner Child- LISTEN

You have already spent too many years being misunderstood.² If you’re going to engage with your inner child- don’t play that role again. This is your opportunity to (as cringe and overused as it may be) be the adult who listens, the adult who gets it, the adult you needed.

How much time do you waste overthinking and rephrasing and overexplaining yourself because you’re desperate for someone to understand, and sick with the fear that you’ll be taken the wrong way? However old the inner child you decide to interact with is- don’t push their views to the wayside. Maybe they’re 5. Maybe they’re a yapper. Maybe they’re in their own world. But you can use whatever input they decide to share to better create accommodations for yourself in the present day.

3 Creative Writing Prompts to Work With Your Inner Child

I already provided some reframed questions above, but I really like to shake things up by giving creative writing prompts instead of standard journaling prompts. So here are 3 creative writing prompts to work with your inner child:

ODE TO A SPECIAL INTEREST. Select something you LOVED as a kid. Pokemon, horses, Greek myths, Goosebumps, etc. Write an obsessive ode to this thing.
*FYI- an ode is a lyrical style poem with heightened language… so perfect to profess your dedication to this special interest.

(Need an example of an ode? Check out ‘Ode to Black Skin' by Black Queer Disabled poet Ashanti Anderson)

“You are dark as religion. Remember God

could not have named a modicum of light without you.”

CLUBHOUSE CREATION. Every kids’ TV show has a cool secret clubhouse. Lay out the plans for yours (incorporating input from your inner child of course!) Write the plans out, and (if it feels right) draw some schematics to go along with it. What goes in your clubhouse? Is it made of blankets? Do you always have cold drinks on hand? Is there a lot of light? Is it perfectly quiet or is there music blasting?
HARRIET THE SPY. Were you super into Harriet the Spy as a kid? Get out your composition notebook, mark it with private and sleuth in your past. Dressed in your spy gear- what does childhood you notice that adult you is ready to put context to?
*Not a Harriet the Spy fan? You can restructure this with another fictional character.

*After completing a prompt, always take a breath and reflect on what you can take from what you’ve just written into your present day. And no- spelling, grammar or “good” writing don’t matter.

Check out The Neurodivergent's Guide To Unmasking Via Creative Writing for all of my tips on how to approach creative writing prompts.

3 Creative Writing Prompts to Work with Your Inner Child

Try or You'll Never Know

Whatever work you’ve done on your inner child healing journey, if you’ve really delved into it or barely scratched the surface- just note that so much of the discussion comes back to YOU as an adult being able to revisit your childhood and create the sense of safety that you may not have had in your youth.

This cannot stop in your meditations or journal entries. This is where you’ll determine what accommodations look like for you as an adult. It may not be a 1:1 realistic comparison. It may not be something that’s possible 24/7 now that you have bills to pay and other things to consider. But if you never try to accommodate yourself, you’ll never know what works for you or what’s possible.

Your literal kid self isn’t the only you that you can listen to. Your teen self can benefit from the attention too. If you’re an elder emo (how many times will I call you old in this post?) and want to tap into that teen angst to really let your 13 year old misunderstood self be heard- then check out Ink Stained Souls.

Ink Stained Souls is a 7 day writing challenge to vent your true thoughts in the way only your brooding teen self knows how without worrying about anyone calling you a poser. Delivered in a comprehensive PDF, you’ll be able to finally embrace the melancholy freak that nobody understands (but you do).

Ink Stained Souls

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